When You Were Gone...

I always told you that you were a joker... that you shouldn't goof around so much especially on the road. It was our senior prom and you were laughy as usual but that was okay. We were supposed to be happy right? We spent almost every second together, we were the clingy couple but that was okay with me because I liked you and you liked me back. High school was much easier thanks to you. Senior year went by in a flash and that night we were holding hands while you drove to the hotel where our school was holding the party.

You said you'd never leave me but you tested fate and with that test came the reality of how the world works. The speeding driver questioned our stability to stay together forever. You gave me one last look and then it was all dark.

****

The lights kept flickering, my body felt heavy and light and disconnected all at the same time. I couldn't feel my legs and the world kept going blurry and then all the faces would clear.

"Kendra!" They shouted, "Stay with us!"

I notice all the blood covering the turquoise dress you told me brought out my eyes. I cried out only because I didn't know how to tell you that it was ruined. I ruined that dress, I was bleeding on it but the reality of the situation hadn't struck just yet.

"Where's Luke?" I sobbed, I shouldn't have been speaking but I wanted you... so badly.

No one answered me, I was growing frustrated. The beeping of the monitors was getting fast and then I couldn't breathe or see anything.

When I woke again I was in a hospital room and three girls were there... my best friends. I was numb so the tears I expected didn't actually come at all. I looked around, squinting at the bright lights and noticing bags of medicine and several monitors. I wanted to panic because of the tube down my throat but seeing my friends there I managed to stay calm, yet my heart was racing so fast that it was scary all on it's own.

"Kendra?" I sniffed and leaned forward. "G-Guys, I think she's awake!" I looked to my other two friends, Alyssa and Rina. We all got up at about the same time and surrounded the bed. I grabbed her hand and held it tight, trying to hold back tears. "We thought we had lost you, Beautiful!"

Rina nodded quickly. "We've cried so much that our faces are all swollen!"

Something broke inside me when they surrounded me and had been crying... Marissa, my other half and then my other besties, Rina and Alyssa. We had been close since early first grade and our parents were all pretty good friends. I felt Marissa's hand take mine and I felt the tears I'd been looking for begin to pour down my cheeks.

"Ohh no! Now she's crying, are you in pain?" Alyssa asked. "Ahh... I'll get a nurse! Should that monitor be doing that?" She started to back out and then sprinted out of the room calling 'NURSE NURSE'.

I just wanted to keep crying. I couldn't even talk to them. So I just squeezed Marissa's hand and then moved it as best I could, it was all weird, it wouldn't go the way I wanted it to. So I just drew an imaginary L with my finger into her palm. I was asking about Luke but I didn't know if she could tell.

I felt her finger trace in my palm and I frowned. I knew what she was asking because of the eagerness all over her face. She wanted to know and I didn't know what to say. "Um..." I gulped and then the nurse ran into the room and I stepped away for the moment. How was I supposed to tell her about Luke? The three of us had been discussing that, but we still didn't know how to tell her. No matter what, she'd be hurt deeply. We all knew it. It would crush her, because she loved him so very much. We all thought they'd get married when we graduated.

Somehow it struck me when she didn't answer, it was enough to tell me that he hadn't made it. Otherwise they would have hurried to tell me and explained his condition. I just closed my eyes and tried to relax because the nurse was about to try and sedate me. I felt like part of me had died as well... how could I ever say goodbye so easily? No, I couldn't. I needed my girlfriends more now than I had ever before. It just wasn't fair.

My friends agreed that it was better that I missed his funeral. I was in the hospital for some time and Marissa stood in for me at graduation. My heart was broken... especially when they found the ring he had meant for me on his person. I didn't know how I could possibly heal.

"Kendra..." I sighed and sat down beside her on the hospital bed. She was pretending to be asleep again. "Come on, Kendra! You've gotta get outside at some point! You can't fool me, I know you asked to stay here longer!" I nudged her gently. "You can't stay here forever."

I opened my eyes. Marissa was always there and always trying to get me to come out but it was pointless to me. "I don't want anyone but you and my family... and Rina and Alyssa, to see me." I shakily moved the sheets and looked at my legs, both were gone. "It's so painful... it just hurts to move too much." I was still on pain medication. I did want to go home but then I'd have to face everything head on.

I frowned. "You'll be in a wheelchair, Lovie. You won't have to move too much and I can take you to the park, and it'll just be so beautiful!" I grinned then. "And I'lll take a bunch of pictures of you! The flowers are blooming now! Pictures of the two of us with all the flowers! It'll be lots of fun! This hospital isn't helping you any! You need fresh air!"

I sniffled, "O-Okay... can you go in that bag and get me a clean shirt? I need help getting the pants on though..." I began to take off my gown, I was wearing a sports bra underneath and it wasn't like Marissa cared if she saw anything. She was very good at convincing me to do things I hadn't previously wanted to do. I loved her for it though.

I picked through her bag and grabbed the shirt and a pair of pants. "Let's get your pants on first." I smiled. I unfolded them and pulled them over the nubs she had that were once her beautiful legs that Alyssa, Rina and I used to always envy. "Lift your butt up, Lovie."

I still couldn't control my right arm as well as I used to so keeping myself lifted for her was challenging to say the least. Once they were on I dropped and gasped. Nothing fit correctly, it all looked strange. "Thank you, Marissa." I took the shirt she'd laid down and slipped it on with a bit of a struggle. I felt so crippled... it wasn't fair. "I'm ready to go now."

"Not yet! I have to fix your hair!" I grinned. "And makeup!" I grabbed my purse and pulled out the makeup and hair supplies. "You are going to be so beautiful!" I laughed. "Always my beauty rival!" I hugged her tight. "I loooooove you!" I then picked up the brush and clips and climbed behind her. "Okaaaaaay I'm thinking a fishtail braid would be beautiful!!"

I laughed a little, "You act like you are preparing me to go on a date..." I let her have her way with my long hair, though some of it was missing from the front where I'd had stitches. She always knew how to get past those kinds of things though somehow. I loved her for her talent as well as everything else. "This is a pretty shirt too."

"Ah! I hoped you'd like it! I bought it for you yesterday!" I giggled and began separating and braiding her hair. "Oh goodness! You're going to be so pretty!!!"

"You're so mysterious, Marissa." I found it relaxing when she did my hair, ever since I'd gotten off of oxygen and sedation she'd been doing this to help me relax and get back into something... sort of normal. "Thank you though, you are such a sweetie."