Surviving

"Yes, text him and tell him to come over. We should try and make sure he doesn't eat alone so often anymore. Yes... there is something I wanted to tell you as well, but..." She sighed. "You promise to not get mad at me?" She heard Mika squeak, then laughed a bit when the puppy climbed up her chest and tried to make a comfy bed out of her breasts.

Zachary quickly texted Michael and invited him over, then looked back at Anissa and chuckled at Mika, looking comfy and happy right where she was. "Mad at you? For what? I'm listening." He was wondering what she had to say, so he sat quietly and waited for her to talk. Michael had already texted him back, seeming thankful for the invite and promising that he'd be on his way and in time for warm pizza.

"Victoria... she was the only family I had. I don't just mean that she was my only family in the states, but... rather, she was the only family I had period. My family has all died out... and that's partially why I came to America to study. It was like... a new life, and now that Vicky's gone, I... I feel like I don't have a family anymore. I mean, I have you, but... you're a different kind of family. I mean, you'd be the one I created a family with... so it's not quite the same. I know I lied and said I had one back home in Russia, but... I don't. I'm really sorry for lying. I told Victoria the same thing, but I think she eventually figured it out, even though she never said."

"Hey... I'm not mad at you for that. I used to lie about my family all the time, I was ashamed to say that my father had been arrested, and that things were crap at home." He sighed heavily, "You never really spoke much about family, so I assumed you either weren't very close or there was more to the story. There's no reason for me to be angry, we're still growing and learning about each other." He smiled and leaned over to kiss her lips, "Thank you for telling me though, we'll create a wonderful family together."

"O-Of course we would! We're two beautiful people... how could we not create a wonderful family?" She wiggled closer to him until she lay in the crook of his arm. "I promised myself when I woke up, that no matter what... I'd be more honest with you about everything." She took a deep breath, then released it before blurting out something she'd been holding in for a long time. "When I found out that Vicky was a Christian too, I felt betrayed, and kind of alone. I still kind of feel alone. I mean, I noticed from the beginning that you seemed to have this peace about you, and I really wanted that. I wanted it, but then I began to feel scared, and I tried going to church... but the preacher said a lot of scary things and they didn't make sense. Like, why would a God who only thinks in terms of who's good, and who's bad... why would he be able to give you that kind of peace? The more confused I became, the angrier I became. I don't know, I still don't understand it too well."

"Sometimes I don't understand it either, there are a lot of confusing things in the world and most things can't be explained... but I will try my hardest to explain them to you, and we can learn together." Zachary pulled her close to him. "I'll try my best to help in any way I can... but I'm glad you are thinking about it." Zachary listened for the doorbell, signifying either Michael or pizza.

"So... he does only think in terms of right and wrong?" Anissa frowned. "I'm probably not cut out for this, then. I've done a lot of things wrong lately." When the door opened of its on volition, she assumed it must have been Michael.

"Hey! Thanks for inviting me! Did I beat the pizza guy?"

Definitely Michael. The door shut, and Anissa smiled. "You did beat him! Oh, did Zach tell you that he got me a dog? She's a German Shepard and her name is Mika! I think she's a total sweetheart!"

"We are going to take her to training and she'll be Anissa's seeing eye dog!" Zachary added, "I thought I told you, but I can't remember now." He chuckled, then got up quickly to answer the door when the pizza guy showed up right after that.

Once he paid for the pizza and everyone was settled in a seat, Zachary spent the next couple minutes plating and passing them out. "I wonder if I was a waiter once... did I have a waiter job before I became a doctor?" He asked, "You'd think I'd remember that." He then sat down with his own plate and looked around the room, it was just the three of them and it felt empty somehow. No one was used to Victoria's absence.

"Ah, service dogs make wonderful pets." Michael replied with a laugh. "Take good care of her, Anissa. She'll be taking care of you in our stead."

"Our?" Anissa tilted her head a bit in confusion.

"Yeah, mine and Zach's. You and I are kind of... in-laws, I guess, right? I mean, so... you're part of my family. I've got to take care of you. I figure... maybe Zach and I can work our schedules out so that you're not home alone for the next year or so."

"Oh... that would be nice." She smiled. "Oh, and what about a group dinner a few times a week? That way Mike doesn't have to be home alone so often."

"Oh! I'd love that if it's alright with Zach. The house has felt really empty lately. Maybe I should get a dog too."

Zachary smiled and took a bite of pizza, "I wouldn't mind if you came over a few times a week, you and I could take turns with dinner, or just order stuff... doesn't matter to me! But yeah, I agree, you should get a pet, it would be nice to know that you have someone to keep you company." He was happy to know that Anissa didn't mind having Michael over that much, though he did look forward to times when he could have her to himself, but having Michael over would just give him the ability to look forward to those moments.

"I agree! A pet would definitely be a good thing for you." Anissa commented before taking a bite of her pizza; Mika was still laying in her lap, snoring a slight. Already, she felt as if the little dog was the best gift she'd ever received.

"Hmm... but what should I get? Maybe a mutt from the pound... they're always ready and willing for love." He paused a moment, watching as Anissa fumbled silently with her pizza. She was still growing accustomed to feeding herself without being able to see... it was difficult to watch. He wondered how Zachary was dealing with it. He seemed okay, but it could have just been a face he was putting on for Anissa. She was acting tough, but he knew it had to be hard. She still hadn't really said anything about the day of the seizure yet either, as far as he knew.

Zachary hadn't bothered Anissa much about how she was doing, only because she hadn't really come to him about anything. He still watched her like a hawk, took her to all the training days for Mika, and made sure she was comfortable. He was going through some things one day in the closet in Victoria's old room when he came upon a box full of photo albums. He wished he hadn't come across it, because as soon as he looked he saw tons of pictures of Victoria with Anissa, and some were more recent, pictures of her with Michael were in the later parts of the albums. He shoved them back into the box and into the closet, Anissa wouldn't be able to see these pictures, she was blind.

He suddenly heard something and got up from what he was doing, "Anissa?" He called, wondering if she'd woken up from a nap she'd been taking. "Anissa?" He called again, walking out of the bedroom.

It was broken. The little bud vase that Victoria had bought Anissa for her birthday three years before was in pieces on the floor. She'd been fairly proud of the fact that she hadn't broken anything since she'd come home from the hospital, but now her record had been broken in the worst way possible. It would have been better if it had been a glass, or a bowl... a plate even, but why this? She knew it was there... it had never been moved. How had she forgotten, even for a moment? Had she remembered its presence while she was dusting, this wouldn't have happened. She heard Zachary call for her, but now she was already beginning to cry. She felt terrible. She'd forgotten about the existence of Victoria's gift. Was she forgetting her sister?

The clicking sound of tiny claws on the floor came as the signal for Mika who was attempting to run in and save the day, even though Zachary said she still waddled and tripped like an awkward puppy. She knew Mika was running toward her, but she wasn't exactly sure where the glass was. "M-Mika, no!" She gasped, but knew she was too slow when she heard the pitiful cries of a puppy's foot stepping on a shard of glass. "M-Mika?!" Anissa squealed in panic, not daring to step forward lest her bare feet suffer the same fate as her poor puppy. "I-I'm sorry! Please don't cry! Where are you?!" All she head was Zachary's footsteps and Mika's cries, causing her heart to race as the feelings of panic and guilt began to overflow into gasping sobs. If she hadn't knocked the vase down and broken it, Mika wouldn't be hurt. If she hadn't forgotten Victoria, it wouldn't have happened.

If she hadn't tried to kill herself, she wouldn't be blind, and Mika wouldn't need to live with an incompetent owner. "Z-Z-Zach!" She sobbed loudly, standing in her room, sobbing pitifully. "H-Help me, please!" It was the first time she'd actually called for him to help her. She hadn't been one to ask for help, but her ability to shrug off situations had been dissolving quickly as of late. This was the last straw.

Zachary appeared in her room not even seconds later to see Mika licking her paws repeatedly and Anissa standing before broken glass. Quickly, he scooped up Mika away from the glass and checked her paws, which were bleeding. Once Mika was on the bed, still whimpering over her paws, Zachary hurried to sweep up the glass, just wanting to rush and get to Anissa, but without stepping in any of it himself, or having her step in it.

Once it was swept, he took Mika and Anissa out of the room, deciding he would try and clean Mika's wounds to figure out if she needed to see a vet or not. While doing this he sat with Anissa so he could listen to her talk, because that whole time she had been sobbing and he hadn't been able to say or do a thing for her, knowing that she was extremely worried about Mika.

"Mika is okay, they are just little cuts, I'm going to clean them and then see if we should take her to the vet." He said, "But she's alright, she's not too bad..." He wished he could stop Mika from whimpering, because it was making Anissa more upset. He glanced over to see his girlfriend still sobbing, "What happened?" He asked, "Talk to me, beautiful... what happened?"

Anissa had pulled her feet onto the couch where she hugged her knees while listening to Zachary's attempts to calm her down, and Mika's pitiful whines. He wanted her talk to him; to tell him everything that had been stressing her. She knew it had been upsetting him that she didn't come to him. She didn't have to see his face to know his expression. She needed to talk to him and let him know that she really did trust him. It was just that she didn't want to drag him down. She loved the happy, smiling Zachary, and she wanted him to stay that way, although if she was truthful to herself, she wouldn't want him hiding things from her. Actually, she'd pestered him about it until he'd told her.

She tentatively reached for the back of the couch and ran her hand along the edge until she found Zachary's arm. Once she knew where he was was, still crying but no longer sobbing, she scooted toward him until she could rest her head on his shoulder while he tended to Mika. "I broke the bud vase that Vicky bought me for my birthday three years ago. I was dusting the top of my dresser, and I thought I'd been really careful to move everything off of it... but I forgot the vase!" She whined, turning to bury her face in his sleeve. "I forgot her! I forgot her, and I forgot her gift, and I hurt Mika because of it!" The sobs returned with the digging up of the emotions again. "I'm just a stupid girl, Zach! I'ma a stupid girl who does stupid things! I don't even think before I act! That's why I'm blind now! I was stupid, and I wasn't thinking at all!"

"Don't call yourself stupid!" Zachary scolded gently, "You are not stupid, you are emotional and you're in a lot of pain. You've been through a lot of really hard things within the last year... I know, I was there, I saw you the day Victoria was diagnosed with cancer, I was there holding you the day she took her last breath. Of all the things you are, one of them is NOT stupid, you make mistakes, we all make mistakes. Anissa, even I tried to kill myself once, it was a long time ago and I regret doing it, but I lived, you lived, and you will get through this. I understand that it's really hard being blind, but I'm doing my best to help you through that too... things happen, it was an accident and I'm sure Victoria doesn't hold it against you, and I'm certain you aren't forgetting her... I'm so sorry it happened though."

"I regret taking those pills." She confessed, the sobs leaving once more. "I remember taking all of them, and then seeing everyone and everything important in my life. You were the first one I thought of, too. I realized that I really didn't want to die... and I w-wanted to spend my life with you. I was really scared that you would get angry with me, too. When I woke up in the hospital, and I heard you there... I was prepared for you to get really angry with me, but you didn't. I thought you might leave me, too. I was prepared for that. I thought, 'wants a girl who'd kill herself so selfishly, instead of thinking about the people around them?'" Anissa pressed her face further into the cloth of his sleeve; the tears were slowly letting up. "You've been my strength. Ever since we met, you were right there... holding me up. I never thanked you for that... so thank you for always being here for me. You're the one who's made my life worth living."

Zachary was still holding Mika in his hands when Anissa said that and he smiled, "I would never leave you, Anissa... you should know that by now. I love you so much, and the truth is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to see you in a wedding dress... and have children with you one day. I want to grow old with you, and hold your hand when you are in pain and when you aren't. I want to wake up in the morning and see you by my side... I want to do normal things, I want to discuss boring topics and have silly fights over stupid stuff and laugh about it later. You are the most wonderful person, a miracle and... I'd be heart broken if you were gone. But most of all, I just want to see you smile again."

Anissa pulled away from the sleeve of his shirt, angling her head a little where she imagined she would be staring at him. She was smiling from everything he'd said. He was so sweet, so wonderful. She'd taken him for granted, and she now realized that. She had somehow fooled herself into believing that he was only kind to her-that he only loved her because the Bible said he should. She now realized that she'd had it all wrong. He may have loved her because the Bible said he should... but it was deeper than that. His love for her had become something he gave unconsciously. He didn't think about it, and he didn't struggle to love her. It kind of seemed like it was unconditional as well. Was this unconditional love? Love no matter what the person does, says, or doesn't? Was that kind of love why Jesus wept?

She really wished she could see him right at that moment. "I love you too." She said, understanding the meaning behind his words. It seemed like things were finally beginning to make sense for her. "If Mika is alright when you finish with her... will you read the Bible to me a little more? I want to hear more."

Zachary nodded after getting a really good look at Mika's paws. The cuts weren't terrible and had stopped bleeding, but if he didn't cover them it might still be hard for Mika to walk around. "I'd love to... I have to see if we have bandages to wrap around Mika's paws though so they heal." He got up then and went to search, coming back with a roll he'd found in the bathroom. He began to gently wrap her paws and when he was done, he set her down in Anissa's lap. Zachary reached for his Bible and opened it up, trying to decide what would be good to read to her.
She'd been so interested, and that made him excited.

Anissa held Mika close as the little puppy whimpered, then quickly fell asleep in her arms, snoring a slight. She had to admit... the snore sealed the deal. She leaned back against Zachary's arm, and listened to him flip through the pages. "Do you have a favorite verse? If you do... read me that." She said softly. "I want to know what it is."

Zachary smiled and flipped his Bible to first Corinthians thirteen and began to read it to her. It was a verse he hadn't read to her yet, but he wanted her to understand love better, he wanted her to see just how it was explained. Once he was done, he glanced over to see what her expression was, and he wondered what she thought. "What are you thinking right now?" He asked.

Anissa snickered a little. "That it's an odd verse for a man to pick as his favorite... but strangely fitting to my thoughts right now. You never stop surprising me, you know that?" She reached her hand out toward him, and found his knee. She smiled a little, leaving her hand to rest there. "Read it again." When he finished it again, she breathed a long sigh. "I'd really never thought of love in that way before now. It really makes sense though, because when you really, truly love someone... you act in that way towards them."

"Exactly, and I really and truly love you very much." Zachary leaned over and kissed her on the lips, possibly surprising her since she couldn't see it coming. He pulled back and caressed her cheek. "I have to ask you how you feel though... I mean, about us getting married. It's not something you talk about very much, so I just wanted to ask you your thoughts on it. I can see us in the future being married, but I wondered if you saw the same thing."

Anissa felt sure her cheeks were a bright red. "Would it be weird if I said that I've been thinking of baby names, and imagining what they might look like for a long time now?" She giggled a little. "Mm... yes, I can definitely see marriage in our future... as long as it's to each other. Ah, but how long have you been able to see it in our future?"