Surviving

Michael climbed into the driver's seat, and sighed as the engine turned over. "Well, one of my patients died. He was one of the four on Wednesday I'd advised stopping treatment so he could spend time with family. I thought he might survive a few more weeks... but he didn't. Then I tried to cheer myself up by thinking about our date today, and only ended up making myself nervous from worrying about messing something up."

Abby reached over and gently touched his hand with a smile, "I'm really sorry that happened... but you shouldn't have to worry about our date or messing anything up, because everything will be just fine."

She couldn't tell if she was convincing him or herself. She sighed heavily and closed her eyes briefly while taking a deep breath. Would it scare him off to tell him what happened? She wasn't certain... she didn't really want to say that this was her first date in years, that she'd been absentmindedly pushing men away for a while due to fear. Abby gave him another soft smile, "Just focus on having fun!"

Michael nodded, rotating his hand so that hers would lay in his palm. He gently curled his fingers over her hand, holding it in such a way that she could easily break free if she wished. He hoped she didn't. He was ready to move on; very ready. "Thank you." He smiled softly, smoothing the back of her hand with his thumb. "I needed to hear that." He moved to put the truck in gear when his cellphone buzzed, signalling a new message. He sighed heavily and pulled it out of his back pocket, then flipped it open. It was from his nurse, Gabriella.

Just got the lab results back from that little girl's biopsy, Hannah Miller. The results were positive. Placing her chart on your desk. The results are inside. Are there any other tests you would like run?

Michael frowned a little, having half a mind to just close his phone and leave it there. He wasn't on call, there was no reason for the text. Everything could be handled on Monday when he was at work. He sighed heavily, texting her back.

No, don't run any other labs. Her family doesn't need more to pay for. Leave the chart on my desk, I'll look over it on Monday. If you need anything else, let Dr. Anaham know. He's the one on call today. I am about to be somewhere, so I won't be able to respond to any more of your messages.

With that, he flipped his phone shut, and shoved it in his pocket. Maybe some day his nurse would learn to check the call schedule before assuming he was on call.

"Is something the matter?" Abby was suddenly feeling very anxious, her eyes scanned from his phone back up to his face again. Her normally social self was struggling against her fears, her brain was screaming for her to back out of the date.

But I don't want to... he would have hurt me already if he was going to.

Abby looked away then and faced the window, reaching up to tug nervously at her hair. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be nosy."

"It's just my nurse." Michael gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "She likes to text me about depressing things, and right now... I just want to focus on my long-anticipated date with a beautiful, kind lady-that's you, of course. Anyway, I told her to talk to the other doctors if she needed anything else, because I won't be responding to her messages." She was still staring out the window, so he released her hand, then leaned over touched her shoulder. "I'm sorry, I hope I didn't worry you."

She was incredibly tense though, so he removed his hand from her, feeling guilty for even checking the message. Had he really made an angry face? He hadn't meant to scare her, if he did.

Abby tried to relax, realizing that she'd also just worried him while staring off into the distance. "Please forgive me, I just got a little nervous... you didn't do anything wrong, I'm sorry." She felt her face heating up as she tried to remedy the situation. Kiki jumped into the front seat and curled up in Abby's lap.

"Don't worry too much if I get quiet... it's just me thinking about stuff, so it's really okay." She waved a hand dismissively as she pet Kiki with the other.

Michael nodded slowly. "Ah, okay." Finally he put the truck in gear and slowly pulled onto the street, making their way to the dog park. "If you say you're alright, then I'll believe you." He flashed a smiled at her while he glanced between her and the road. "Wow, when did Kiki make it to your lap? I didn't even notice her until now." Cad whined and rested his muzzle on Michael's shoulder.

"Just now, she's pretty fast..." Abby giggled, finally allowing her shoulders to relax.

--

When the day was done, Abby locked up for the night and watched Kiki hop quickly into her little pink bed on the floor. She had ended the evening by giving him a small kiss on the cheek and thanking him for such a wonderful date. However, when it was all over, she crumbled on her floor and began to cry softly.

"Don't look at me like that, Kiki..." Abby opened her eyes to see the small dog standing over her, being nudged by her little nose. "I'm really scared and I can't stop myself... I'm really trying, but it's so difficult. I don't know what to do."

Kiki tilted her head in confusion, but decided to lay on the floor with Abby because that seemed to help.

"Why is dating so scary?" She whispered, stroking Kiki's head. "Everything is scary..."

Michael hung his keys on the rack by the door, then turned and locked the handle and deadbolt on the door. Cad sat and whined at him, which he only seemed to do if Michael was in a mood that wasn't happy. "I know, I know." He sighed, reached out to scratch behind the base of the husky's ears. "I liked her too." He crossed the living area and into his room, removing his shirt along the way, which he tossed into a hamper by the door. "I'm just not so sure she liked me." He found himself mindlessly rubbing his cheek, then suddenly stopped upon realizing it. Cad whined at him again, and poked Michael's knee with his nose. "I hear you, bud. You think she'd go for another date?"

Cad offered a soft bark, and Michael sighed. "I thought as much. She seemed okay at times, but other times... I had this feeling she was afraid of me." Cad stared at him, then heaved a deep, heavy sigh, and lied down at the foot of the bed. Michael rolled his eyes and crossed the room where he could hang his belt on a hook. "I can't believe I'm talking to a dog."

A couple of weeks passed and Abby began to wonder if she really ruined it for herself. She had texted and called Michael here and there, but every time she tried to get up the nerve to invite him to do something, her brain was scream against it.

That was when she decided that she just had to talk to him. That she had to tell him what happened so he would understand that it wasn't his fault.

Want to come over? Ordering Chinese. She sent the text. It would be the first time she'd ever let him inside her house and she wanted to scream at how mortifying that was. However, she couldn't allow herself to continue to be isolated, not to miss out on an experience she'd always wanted.

She didn't want to miss out on a great guy.

Michael had just sat down at Annisa and Zachary's house to eat dinner when a soft jingle played from his pocket. "Isn't that the tune you have for that girl you took to the dog park?" Anissa observed. He noticed she had tilted an hear towards him, and he smiled.

"Yeah... Abby. She doesn't text me much though, I wonder what's up."

"Well, check your phone and you'll find out." Anissa grinned, bouncing Vicky on her knee. Michael had to stare in wonder that she could tell he hadn't pulled his phone out of his pocket. So, he did pull it out, and flipped it open to read the text. He paused, a moment to reply, then flipped his phone shut and stood up quickly, nearly knocking over the chair. "Woah!" Anissa laughed softly. "What's the emergency?"

"She just invited me over for Chinese. I'm sorry, guys... I'll have to make this up to you."

"Don't apologize. It just means that once I put Vicky down for bed, I get Zack all to myself. Now, go have fun! Byebye!"

Michael grinned to both of them and darted out the door, ripping his keys out of his pocket. His response to her text?

You didn't even have to ask. Chinese sounds wonderful. I'll pay if you order.

Abby got his text and replied with a quick 'Sure.' and then closed her phone. She sighed heavily and watched Kiki happily playing with a tiny stuffed bunny on the floor.
"Well, Ki... I asked him over." She sighed, "Now I just have to order Chinese food and let him pay for it."

Oh by the way, what do you want?

---

Once the food was ordered and Michael had arrived, Abby sat down on her couch and folded her hands in her lap, awaiting their food. "So I kinda wanted to talk to you about something important... if that's okay? I hope I didn't interrupt anything."

Michael shook his head, taking a seat in a chair across from her. It was much more comfortable than it looked, and he didn't have any trouble picturing himself taking naps in it. "I don't mind at all, talk all you like. I'll listen." He replied, then chuckled when she asked if she had interrupted something. "Nothing that can't easily be rescheduled. Don't worry about it one bit." He clasped his hands together before leaning forward in his seat. "I'll listen to whatever you have to say."

Abby took a relaxing breath and opened her mouth to speak, "I know I acted horribly last time we went on a date, I acted weird and I wasn't sure you'd ever want to see me again... so I took a chance. I'm really sorry for my behavior, but I do have a reason - n-not that I am making excuses, I just need you to know." She felt like she was rambling and then brought her knees to her chin.

"A few years ago when I was in college I was really carefree and enjoying being busy with everything. Then one day I was really late coming home from a friend's birthday party and on my way to my car - um, we were at this really cool restaurant that was also kind of a bar... I don't usually go to places like that, anyway..." Abby sighed, "Some guy caught me from behind and dragged me off somewhere. I can remember smelling smoke and alcohol, he had um... blindfolded me and told me not to scream, that I would love every second of it. He beat me... told me how sexy I was, then he forced me to tell him how much I loved it or he'd kill me or worse... I didn't want to know what he'd do so I just did everything he said." Abby felt tears rolling down her cheeks. "It felt like hours upon hours went by... I have no idea, but when he finally thanked me for the wonderful time and let me go, the sun was out. I left her party at nine that evening, and it was morning when I finally was let go. I thought he was going to kill me, because he kept hitting me if I didn't respond fast enough, or if I wasn't convincing... I was too afraid to report it because I never saw him, I was blindfolded and when he dropped me off, I was dressed again, and in a lot of pain in a place I hardly recognized." She rubbed her arm nervously, "I had to call a friend to pick me up."

Michael was mortified to say the least, but he didn't interrupt throughout her story, and just quietly nodded the whole while. He wasn't quiet for speechlessness, but more so from having too many things to say. He wanted to find the man, and beat him to a bloody pulp. He also wanted to run to her, hold her hand hug her, and promise he'd never betray her trust in that way. He wanted comfort her to, but she wasn't crying, so he wasn't sure she needed it. To top it all off, he wanted to apologize to her in place of the man who hurt her. He silently promised himself that if she ever heard her attacker's voice in a crowd, he would hunt the guy down... even if it meant losing his license.

All of these thoughts were his behind a sympathetic expression. He took a shaky breath to calm his rising anger, and offered her the warmest smile he could muster. "If you were able to tell me who it was, I would already be tracking him down, ready to castrate him. However, since that isn't the case... I'm here for you. Whatever you need, I'll be right here. If that means that right now, you just want a friendship and not a relationship, that's okay. If you want me to get lost, I'll be really sad, but I'll do it. If you do want a relationship, I'm right here too, and if you just don't know what you want..." He shrugged. "I'm always here for hugs, kisses, long walks and talks... don't hesitate ask... ever." He leaned back in his chair, expertly hiding his frustration that her attacker had gotten away. She never should have had to go through what she did. "No matter what our relationship is or isn't... take it at whatever pace you're comfortable with, okay?"

"That's th-the thing, I'm terrified of the unknown, I'm terrified to make such a huge decision about a relationship, but the other half of me is so ready for it! I can just feel the excitement at the adventure of falling in love and marrying and having lots of babies!" Abby covered her mouth and then gasped. She caught herself a little, then continued.
"Sorry, I don't even know if that's something you want... but if not, that's okay. I don't mind just enjoying your presence, because if that will help me overcome my fears, then I want it."

Michael chuckled at her mention of babies and marriage. "Those three things you've mentioned... I've always wanted them too." Although, Michael thought to himself. I've only been fortunate enough to experience the first two. Then the second ended prematurely. He leaned forward, fighting the urge he still had to run to her, hold her, and never let her go. Instead, he took to tapping his fingers against one another. "To settle down, have a family with a sweet lady whose finger I'd be wrapped around..." He grinned. "It's been a long-standing dream."

"I am glad to hear that... I really do hope we can get somewhere and learn more about each other now. I'm so sorry again for acting the way I did, I really should have told you sooner, but I didn't want to scare you off with my baggage." Abby nervously patted the seat next to her on the couch, "Would you come sit over here now?" She asked, "I just want you to hold me a little... if that's alright?"

That was very alright. There was no hesitation in him when she asked him to sit by her, and immediately he was by her side. Careful to be slow and gentle, he wrapped her up in his arms and held her in such away that she had an easy escape. "Everyone has baggage of their own... but to me... yours is plenty light enough to carry. I'll haul it anywhere for you." He rested his chin on her shoulder. "Plus, if I could marry someone I knew would die within a month, I'm pretty sure I can handle anything you throw at me."

*Six Months Later*

Serena Cunningham scooted down the hall, carrying files to Doctor Michael Reid's office. When she walked in she realized he must have been in with a patient, because he wasn't there at the moment.
She silently laid the files on his desk and then as she was walking out she nearly bumped into him.

"Woops! 'Scuse me... just left some files on your desk!" She smiled, then watched as he went in, then back out again and into one of the examination rooms. He seemed a little distant, which he'd been lately. A lot of patients were not getting better, and he always had that look when he was ready to be done for the day.

Michael scanned the paper detailing the biopsy done a patient who had seen a physician the week before due to a sore throat, then was referred to him after the lap results were deemed positive. "New patient..." He mumbled to himself, flipping through each page of the thin chart. He sighed wearily, taking a moment to rub his eyes. He was so very tired of being the one to tell someone they were going to die. On top of that, this patient wasn't even someone who had been his patient for any amount of time. This was the man's first appointment, and it was already too late for him to even stand a fighting chance.

Sometimes, Michael really hated his job... and those times were more frequent as of late. Less people were winning the battle against cancer, and it wasn't just his patients... some of the other doctors were experiencing the same thing. He just looked forward to his lunch date with Abby. She was supposed to meet him at the hospital for that. He knocked lightly on room 687 before pushing the door open. The patient was sitting at the foot of the bed-a uniformed officer. Michael gave him a weary smile, then shook his hand before taking a seat on his stool nearby. "I'm Doctor Michael Reid. As I understand it, you were sent here because you had some throat pain, your physician found some lumps back in your throat, and then after the biopsy went through, you were sent here, right?"

"Yes, sir! So, am I gonna make it?" The man laughed a little, but his smile fell when Michael didn't join him. "Doc, come on... I just got diagnosed! I'm gonna make it, right?"

Michael frowned sadly, closing the chart he had. "It would take a miracle, Sir." He rubbed at his eyes, tired of the day already. "If the tumors were localized only to your throat, your recovery would be high... but the further out it spreads... the worse your odds of fighting it are."

"But... I can still fight it!" The man urged, becoming angrier by the moment. "I can still beat this thing! I'm not gonna die to some disease!"

"Sir, the tumors aren't localized. They are in your throat, your lungs, your liver, and just looking at you, I can already see a few patches of melanoma. We can treat the pieces all you want, but I have never in my life seen a recovery from cancer that has spread this far." He sighed. "My advice to you, is not to waste money on treatment. Spend your last days happy, laughing, and surrounded by family." Michael's eyes widened when he watched the officer pull his handgun out of its holster. "S-Sir, please put the gun down!" Oh, God. God, this is not how I want to die.

"You won't even try to cure me! You just say it's impossible! That's all you say! Well you know what? Maybe it is! But if I have to die... so do you!" Michael heard three successive shots fire, barely even feeling the pain of the bullets as they entered his body. He staggered back against the wall, sliding down to the floor. "And if I have to die slowly, so do you!" Michael could hear screaming, and hoped Abby hadn't yet arrived. He blinked slowly, watching the officer storm out of the room, yelling for people to stop panicking.

He heard more shots fired. Some screams became more intense, while others were silenced. He pressed his hands to his wounds, attempting to stop the bleeding, but he felt so weak. He wasn't sure he could exert enough pressure. God, if you wanted to take me home... in my sleep would have been much more preferable.

Abby had just arrived when she heard screaming. It was really peculiar to hear screaming in that part of the hospital, but what was more shocking and frightening was the sound of gunshots and cut off screams. Lives were being ended there... she could hear running and a nurse ran past her in the waiting area of the Oncology ward.
Abby heard heavy footsteps coming and she quickly ducked behind a desk.

She held her breath as her mind scrambled, thinking of her boyfriend who worked there. If someone had a gun, was he hiding? Had he been shot? She would have to wait for the man to leave. Fear was gripping her, but then she held tight to God and prayed, not only for herself but for other people and staff at the hospital. The footsteps came ominously closer to her and she tried not to make a noise, closing her eyes tightly as she stayed hidden. As the footsteps were slow, she only assumed it was the gunman, though her only intuition came from crime dramas, since she was just a fashion designer.

A soft breath escaped her when she heard the door slam shut, some loud shots were heard and she wondered how many bullets the man could possibly have. She quickly got up and ran through the door to where the staff and patients were allowed to go. Her stomach knotted nearly instantly when she saw two nurses laying dead in the hall. Another near Michael's office was clutching her side.

"You're going to be okay-"

"It's n-not me you should worry about. He came from Michael's exam room!" Serena cringed, "I'll be fine!"

Abby's face went pale as she darted down the hall, unsure of which room he was in, so she ended up checking all of them until finally, she found him. He was in a heap on the floor, against a wall. She rushed towards him and put her hands over his on the wounds.

"Michael, I'm here!" She cried, "I'm right here! It's going to be okay..." She swallowed against the lump in her throat as the blood gushed from his wounds. "Michael..." She sobbed, "Please stay with me..."

"No," Michael shook his head slowly. "Abby, you aren't supposed to be here." He swallowed hard against the nauseating pain that began to radiate his body when she placed pressure on the wounds. "Y-You need to find a place far away, and hide there. He'll probably come back to make sure I'm dead." It was a struggle breathe with the shots located in his abdomen. "I don't want to see you hurt." He lifted his left hand to touch her cheek, caressing it with the same gentleness he'd always afforded her. All he had to do was look in her eyes to know that she wasn't going to leave him, even if the shooter returned. It was rare she was so willful, but he loved her willfulness.

"Since you aren't going to leave..." He coughed. "I suppose I should tell you that I love you... 'nd..." He struggled to swallow again. "'nd that I was going to propose tonight at dinner. It's in my coat pocket." He could hear the soft patter of footsteps running down the hall, and a few whispers, but Michael didn't know who was there.

Abby began to feel tears burning her eyes when he said that as she applied more pressure, "S-Stop that!" She cried, "You can still propose later, I'm going to pretend you didn't say that and spoil it for me!" She gave him a shaken smile. "So propose to me later when you're all better-" She looked away, trying not to let him see how terrified she was.

That was when the door opened and Zach came into the room, shutting it behind him. "Michael, I'm here now! We're getting people out of here, you're going to be okay!"

She'd only met him a few times when Michael had her go to their dinners with him, but she knew he was really kind and his family was as well.

"He'll be fine, you did a good job, Abby."

"I'm trying." She moved her hands away so Zach could get to work. "Keep talking to me, stay with us."

"Hey, buddy..." It was a struggle to speak, and falling asleep seemed a lot easier right then. "Y'know, I always expected it would be my job that would kill me... but hadn't imagined it would go like this." Indeed he hadn't. He always had joked with Zach that if his job killed him, it'd be due to stress. Never had he entertained the idea of being killed by a police officer who didn't want to die. "He-was a new patient... had to tell him he only had a few weeks at the most t'live." He coughed when they placed him on the bed and began running him down the hallway. "He didn't like that much."