Our Little Recap

Keely was favoring her stomach and I frowned a little, she was pale and I hated to ask her such a straightforward question but after seeing our mom go through it twice...

"Did you take a pregnancy test?" And with asking that I had mentally prepared for the little sister lashing I was about to get.

"You think I'm pregnant?!" Keely snapped, "I can't really be pregnant, I have school and work and everything else now, I'm married I can't be pregnant!"

"Keywords there... you ARE MARRIED."

"But I can't be pregnant."

"Keely."

"H-How could I be?"

I sat there quietly. Should I even offer? They'd think less of me. I knew they would. But... "U-Um..." I pulled my purse from beside me. "I-I h-have a pregnancy test you can use..." I pulled it out and held it out to her. I was shaking from head to toe. "H-Here... I don't need it anymore."

Keely seemed even more pale as she shrunk to the ground in that awkward way she does because of her prosthetic. Her eyes welled with tears and she leaned into my shoulder sobbing her heart out.

"Hey, don't cry."

She was emotional which was unusual for her, another clue. "It's not so bad."

Keely looked up and then looked at Kassie, taking the little box and looking at it shakily, "And if it... I'm going to be sick again!" She ran back into the house carrying it with her, the door shut loudly.

What was I supposed to do?

"I'm sorry... she's not usually like this. I mean... Keely..."

I nodded. "No, I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have offered it." I wiped at my eyes. Tears were coming and I wasn't sure why. "I'm sorry. I know I didn't help her feel better..."

"In the long run it's a lot cheaper than running her all the way to the emergency room... if it's positive though I think she'll feel bad that we were first to know and not Eli..." I admitted.

I nodded and sniffed past the tears that were coming. I wiped furiously at them but it seemed I wasn't quick enough. "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry!" My voice cracked and I was trying hard to keep my composure. I wasn't even sure why I was crying! Maybe it was this family. Totally different from anything I knew. I wiped at my eyes again.

"What are you apologizing for? If you hadn't given it to her and she really was pregnant then we wouldn't know until she was out to here and obvious! It's not like she's open about anything... don't feel bad, you did something good for her tonight!" I wasn't even going to ask why she had a pregnancy test with her, her life was personal, she didn't have to explain anything, I'd only known her for a few hours anyway! 8D

That wasn't what I was crying about but it was okay, I wasn't sure I wanted him to know just how jealous I was. I had enough issues he'd seen... he didn't need to know about any more than that. Actually, I could be an accomplished magazine with how many issues I had. "I-I think I should go home before I m-make a scene." I sniffed, wiping at my eyes still. "I h-had fun t-today."

"Wait, I can walk you home!" I stood up quickly and left my plate on the front porch, "Come on, you don't need to walk home alone out here." I didn't want to tell her how my sister and her husband had been mugged on a simple walk home... T-T

"I-I need my clothes." I cried. "A-And my shoes." I was shaking again and I shuffled to the door. I reached for the knob but then I hesitated. Did I want them to see me crying? Maybe they'd think bad of Hayden and assume he'd made me cry, which wasn't true. But did these people think that way? They seemed awfully nice and trusting. I couldn't decide. What was I supposed to do? I needed my things but I worried about what everyone would think.

I was crying even harder now. Like an idiot. T-T

"I've got it!" I went in and picked up her shoes and clothing and handed both to her, "There you go, but are you sure? We don't want you to feel like you have to leave..." I felt really bad now, I knew she was thinking I was crazy or something, I'd screwed up yet another chance to find a friend.

I felt lonely.

"N-No one wants someone like me in their house, trust me." I cried. ""I'm not worthy enough to even sit with you."

I'm sorry, Lord. I can't. I'm too broken to be put back together. It still hurts and I'm not ready to face rejection. Especially not from this guy.

"But why?" I was confused, "I don't understand, you are so sweet and gentle and you got along so well with Keely... what's wrong?"

I felt so dirty compared to him. "I-I u-used to b-be..." I wasn't sure how to tell him. "N-No. I can't tell you. You'll hate me and I don't want that." I sobbed. I liked him. I liked his family. I wanted to be friends, but he didn't need me around. I'm not what he needs in a friend. Or anyone needs for that matter.

"I don't hate anyone!" I wanted to grab her arm and keep her close to me but I didn't want to scare her either, "Please? I won't hate you!"

I didn't know how to tell him. "I-I..." I gulped I couldn't look at him. It made it ten times harder. "I u-used to b-be a str-str-stripper. N-Not only that but I-I'd sleep with anyone who'd pay. I'm not in it anymore but hat doesn't make me any less of a disgusting and horrible person! You s-said you won't hate me. P-Please don't tell me you were lying. I don't know how I'd handle it if you were lying. But it's understandable if you do. You probably don't even want t-to touch me. But th-that's okay. I don't expect you to." I hugged my purse close to me with my Bible tucked safely away in it.

Please God. I'm learning to trust. Don't fail me now.

"But you used to be, that means you are a new person now and you're wanting to be different am I correct?" I immediately pulled her into a tight hug and held her as close as I could, "I can't hate you, I'd never hate you."

"I don't ever want to be that person again!" I sobbed in his shirt. "But changing is scary! I can't be in big crowds for very long without nearly freaking out because it feels like I'm back on stage. And everywhere I go, when people look at me, I know all they think is that I'm a slut and I don't deserve to walk on the earth and I almost want to agree with them. And I know it probably sounds silly too, but my Bible is the only thing holding me together at this point and I really needs friends but I don't deserve any of them and all I'm doing is rambling about things that probably seem really stupid to you and so I'm really sorry!"

"No, you deserve the greatest friends ever and I really think God put you in front of me for a reason. Jesus didn't come to this earth to heal healthy people, Kassie." I ran my fingers through her hair and rubbed her back, "You deserve the best and only the best!"

I sobbed harder at his words. "The best? Were you at all listening to what I told you?" I sobbed. "Trust me, you don't want to be involved with someone like me. People will look at you badly. After all, I=I'm on that billboard in town. It could ruin your ability to sell your art!"

"We'll buy it and paint over it advertising for something else like a notable charity or something, I don't care about the billboards, if they are going to judge you then they can just shove their opinions where the sun doesn't shine!"

Okay bad comment from someone who is supposed to be a Christian but STUPID PEOPLE! T-T

I pulled away and stared at him. I was almost smiling. "Did you really just say that...? B-Because it was kind of funny..."

"Yeah sorry..." I rubbed the back of my neck nervously and grinned at her, tears were in my eyes, "Now... do you REALLY want to go home? Or do you want to stay here and enjoy life?"

"What do you mean by stay?" I asked softly, picking at my fingers. "I don't think the rest of them will take it as well as you did. They;ll probably give me the same looks everyone else does when they find out."

"You don't know this family very well then, my brother in-law and his wife had their baby long before they were married and no one judged them for it. They were convicted later but no one treated them any different. You honestly do not seem like the kind of girl to want to do that kind of thing though, just keep it between us, even if you did tell them they wouldn't care. It's who you are now that matters, not who you were."